well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just pee around me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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