Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
