We won't sleep together?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
