forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
