How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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