my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
