Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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