Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
