he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
