...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I just sharted jello shots
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