If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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