I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
