We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
