Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
