so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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