Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
