I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
