when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
