I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
