You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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