At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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