I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
