Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
whose parrot is this?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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