My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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