Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
