Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
