Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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