yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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