The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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