I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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