We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
sex in a hospital.. check
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize