Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
