wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
