His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
