I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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