well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
