I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
