before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
