make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
