I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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