I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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