Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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