You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
