Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've blown a few things in my day
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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