She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
