I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
