O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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