Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
