Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize