If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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