So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Randomize
