she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
then he tried to convert me to islam
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
