Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
