you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
