were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What drink are we having for lunch?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize