don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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