One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
