Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
