i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize