His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
