I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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