went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
