roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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