bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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