Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
