My nipple is on Facebook.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
