Someone shit on the floor
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize